E3 2010! Nintendo Media Briefing

Hey, party people! I missed the Microsoft Media Briefing yesterday morning due to unforeseen circumstances (work). But I'm here today, so I'm bringing you my recap and unsolicited opinions about the Nintendo Press Conference, and the Sony briefing later today. I'll recap the Big M's as well, once it's up.

LET'S KICK THIS PIG!!

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Starting....NOW!!!

9:01 AM - Reggie Fils-Aimee has taken the stage and is giving a pep talk.

9:03 - NEW ZELDA TRAILER? WOOHOO!

9:04 - Link looks Cel-Shaded. Slightly. Skyward Sword? Cool

9:04 - Video Miyamoto is talking about stuff. He also has magik powers, turning a sword and shield into a Wiimote and Nunchuck. Seems Zelda needs WiiMotion Plus.

9:07 - HORY SHEET! Miyamoto has teleported off the video screen and onto the stage!

9:08 - Link's sword is controlled by the Wiimote at all times. And it seems the tracking tech is kind of...crap.

9:09 - It seems the visual style is reminiscent of Wind Waker. Very reminiscent.

9:11 - Gameplay by Miyamoto. Nothing to discuss; it's the same we've seen since the first 3D Zelda.

9:12 - Miyamoto hints at getting items out of pockets? Oh, never mind. It's just a radial menu. With an item equipped, the aiming reticule stuff from Twilight Princess is up on the screen.

9:14 - Miyamoto tried to throw a bomb. Five motions later, the bomb is thrown when he lowers his hand in disappointment. I laughed.

9:16 - Link has items like bombs and bows and slingshots....and a fat beetle that flies around? How odd. And some kind of extendo-staff? Huh.

9:19 - Trailer time. Scorpion boss!  Beetle thing appears to be robotic. Also, Link goes cliff-diving?!

9:20 - New Mario Sports; Hockey, Volleyball,  Dodgeball(?), Basketball. It's called Mario Sports Mix.

9:24 - The pictures of people in those pictures are having WAY too much fun.

9:25 - Regg seems to think that casual gamers will be sucked in and sell their souls and wallets to the Big N. Huh. "Bridge" titles.

9:26 - Wii Party? "An all new party game...redefines multiplayer fun for everyone" Board game that looks like Mario party with avatars...er, Miis.

9:27 - WiiParty garnered maybe two guys clapping. Woo. After Zelda, nothing seems interesting.

9:28 - Just Dance sequel? Yep. Just Dance 2. Trailer features lots of people dancing in the most homosexual ways possible. Surprisingly, Dance Central on Kinnect looked much more interesting.

9:29: -New Golden Sun! Subtitled; Dark Dawn. Trailer time!!

9:30 - Looks good. Colorful art style. Chibi-esque characters. Bits of gameplay coupled with dramatic text. 3D, but methinks the older 2D worked better. The DS just isn't powerful enough.

9:31 - "Golden has a new meaning?" DEAR GOD. Could they mean Goldeneye?

9:31 - YES IT IS

9:32 - WTF Wii exclusive with split-screen and online multiplayer. Looks like Daniel Craig is PC. Looks like a slightly better version of N64 graphics. Goldeneye 007.

9:33 -  Original Goldeneye on Wii Store? Maybe? Not saying.

9:34 - Epic Mickey tiem? Yes, it is. Ha ha! Reggie mispronounced Disney Epic Mickey as Disney Epic Disney.

9:35 - Producer's talking about it. Something about old and forgotten Disney stuff populating a Wasteland. Ooh! Wasteland Smee! ...in ugly watercolor animation cutscenes?

9:36 - Looks like it combines everything from movie and art and theme parks too. Looks disappointingly happy. Too bright and colorful. What happened to the dark steampunk stuff?

9:37 - Talking about the new paint mechanic. So...it's Okami with Mickey. They're talking about moral choices now. "Playstyle matters." Nothing interesting.

9:39 - Everything suddenly went black and white and side-scrolly. "Travel zone" based off of Steamboat Willie. Producer dude won't stop talking, using pretentious words like "Heritage" and "Innovation".

9:40 - Epic Mickey has been nothing but disappointing since those first steampunk concept arts.

9:41 - Masahito Sakurai name-dropped. Talking about how Kirby is cuddly yet appeals to Hardcore gamers. No wonder; he's getting another game!

9:42 - "Spin a yarn in a way that yarn has never been spun before"? Oh. "Kirby's Epic Yarn" or summat. Weird stitched art style. Fabrics and yarn and stuff. It's cute. Too cute. Kirby uses yarn and his own outline to do stuff. Forms a car, a UFO. He has a buddy. They can stitch the scenery or go behind it. This game confuses me.

9:44 - Releases this fall? Huh. Cool.

9:44 - DragonQuest sales numbers. Must be a new game.

9:45 Man, Reggie really likes numbers.

9:47 - DragonQuest releases here in July. Meh.

9:47 - Metroid Other M! WOOHOO! Looks good for a Wii game. Samus looks too thin tho. The isometric sidescrolling works. Slick UI, too.Woah. Brief glimpse of RE4 style 3rd person.

9:49 - August 31st! Nintendo's cranking out stuff this year.

9:50 -  No shit! Retro studios is retooling Donkey Kong! Big cheers from the crowd. Art style looks good. Loks like the classic sidescrolling adventures. DK and Diddy working in tandem.Classic music playing.Barrel blasting. This looks great. Definitely feeling the nostalgia. Donkey Kong Country Returns. Releases this Christmas?!

9:51 - Reggie is assuring us that they're not just about nostalgia. Mentions the future a bit.

9:52 - Jesus christ. The 3DS.

9:52 - Reggie is bashing living room 3D. Nothing to watch, nothing to play.

9:52 - Now he's bashing the glasses. BIG TIME.

9:53 - Trailer time. Brief recap of 3D. Well done trailer. Glasses-less 3D on 3DS. End of trailer.

9:54 - Satoru Iwata onstage. Holding the 3DS and talking about it in bad English. Looks slim and sexy. Smaller than the DSiXL, I think. 3.5in Widescreen. Full 3D without glasses.

9:55 - Pimping the fact that Nintendo did first 3D games in 15 years ago. Now he's just talking.

9:56 - Thought I saw a control stick! No word yet. 3D can be adjusted or turned off. Successor to the DS. Talking about how smudges and stuff ruin touchscreen's 3D. So...3D is only on the Top. Bottom screen is Touchsreen only.

9:57 - Graphics improvements. No proof yet. Ah. Not a control stick. A "slide pad". Also mentioned a motion sensor and "gyro-sensor".

9:58 - Fully compatible with all old DS versions. Has two cameras on the outside. Takes 3D photos. I say meh, but the crowd applauded.

9:59 - 3DS can play 3D movies? WTF Disney, WB and Dreamworks on board with this. Already running movies at the booth.

10:00 - Project Sora?

10:01 - A game specifically for 3DS. A character already familiar to us?

10:02 - Umm....HOLY SHIT

10:02 - It's Pit! From Kid Icarus!

10:02 - Kid Icarus; Uprising. Must be a flight game. With on ground combat too! Lot's of flying and lasers. Looks to be full 3D air and ground combat. Lots of arrow shooting. Pit sounds obnoxious, tho.

10:03 - Graphics are MUCH improved. Looks less like DS and more like early Wii titles.

10:05- Some spiel about auto seeking other 3DS, like the tag mode from Nintendogs.

10:05 - No new info, but the two-toned Teal and Onyx 3DS looks sexy as hell.

10:06 - 3DS communicates automatically no matter what, all the time. Sounds Skynet-esque.

10:06 - Finally, back to the games. Huge 3rd party support for 3DS apparently. And Iwata promises lots of 1st party stuff.

10:07 - New 3D Nintendogs. Now with cats.

10:08 - Level 5, THQ, EA, Capcom, Ubisoft, Namco/Bandai, and SquEnix on board, with Kingdom Hearts, 'SCreed Brotherhood and Resident Evil mentioned specifically.

10:10 - Iwata is done. Video of developers talking about the 3DS. Hideo Kojima hints at 3D handheld MGS.

10:11 - Resident Evil dev thinks 3D makes us think "What's behind the furniture?"

10:12 - Vid over, unceremoniously. Reggie is back, wrapping up and recapping.

10:14 - Regg se dice that they can't explain the 3D on stage. Cut to a video of...Iwata being sucked into his 3DS?

10:15 - Miyamoto is suddenly attacked by a dog that pops out of his 3DS,

10:15 - DEAR GOD THE 3DS IS VOMITING OBJECTS AT PEOPLE. No, Reggie! Don't touch that! IT'S A TRAP!

10:15 - Bowser just popped out of the screen and lit Reggie's face on fire.

10:16 - Brilliant! On-stage Reggie now has a smoldering and burnt suitcoat. Nice touch.

10:16 - Reggie's going to transport the theatre to the 3rd Dimension. OOH! he's bringing out Booth Babes with 3DS's. There's dozens of them!

10:17 - The booth babes are going to give the attendees a demo while they leave. Nicely done. Just a taste, with more promises of the booth holding more stuff.

10:18 - Game stations just rose out of the floor! Playable Zelda Skyward Sword demo for attendees.

10:19 - Briefing over. Good show, Nintendo. But where is Pikmin 3?!

10:19 - And for that matter, what the hell happened to the vitality sensor from last year's E3?!